Children develop strong associations.
How do I know this? Because any time my child does something once, she wants to do it again and again and again.
“Correct. Last night was a special occasion, and you had a hard time falling asleep. You will not be taking hot cocoa to bed tonight.
“Not, tomorrow night either.
“Because I want to go to bed, and you like to be asleep before I go to bed, and I am not willing to wait up until you fall asleep when you’re staying awake so late.”
In her book, Brain Body Parenting, Mona Delahooke talks about creating cozy. Maybe cozy moments, or cozy spaces, but a general sense of cozy.
Cozy meets needs for safety, peace, connection perhaps. In cozy, children are in the green zone. Calm, centered, open, engaged, peaceful.
My thinking is that if children develop strong associations, and my children’s home and their mummy ooze coziness, then I’m giving them a gift, an internal sense of safety and peace to draw upon later in life when self-comfort is increasingly necessary. This is a big deal for me, not knowing how long I will be on this earth. It feels like one of the biggest legacies I can offer my children, cozy hearts.
I am adding to this list this year.
We splurged on a Spotify account and we now have music playing most of the time in the house. It’s been massively helpful to the children for some reason. I don’t know why, but they can play more collaboratively and for longer when music is on in the background. Music has ranged from children’s hip hop, to Morning Walk Piano, to Your Favorite Coffehouse.
We are increasing the frequency with which we play family games. Meets needs for connection, learning, growth, harmony, belonging, cooperation, inclusion.
I am leaving some of the twinkly lights up above the book case. Meets needs for beauty and joy.
Prioritizing calm, curious bed-time conversations. Connection, accompaniment, peace, intimacy, closeness.
I am improving my ability to recognize and come down from my triggers which feels really exciting. Competence, growth and self-responsibility.
I will continue to grow my ability to orient towards support for my children during difficult moments instead of walking into a power struggle. Curiosity, kindness, care, being seen and heard.
Please let me know some of the strategies that you have for creating cozy in your home. I’d love to have an even longer list of habits I want to create and themes I want to develop.
Loved this, Sarah. It brought me to reflect on many of the associations we've created in our household that I know still live in my teens even if we don't experience them together as frequently now.