Going Through the Motions
Because Somebody's Got To Do It
Right?
Doesn’t somebody have to?
I make Joseph’s breakfast, I make Aubrey’s breakfast, I make my breakfast, I clear up, I sit and read to them, I remember that no one has clean trousers and gather laundry to wash, I wash the duck eggs and date them, I drive to a doctor’s appointment, I make dinner, I read to the children, I clean the kitchen, I scatter fresh bedding in the duck house then shut them in for the night, I clean the pond, I feed the cats and shut them up for the night.
Because somebody’s got to.
Well no.
I make Joseph’s breakfast because, even though he is capable, at that time of the morning he could use the support that comes through me making breakfast and the connection time we have as we talk while I do that.
I make Aubrey’s breakfast because even though she can get herself cheerios, I want her to have a healthy nutritious breakfast which she would not have if she just helped herself to endless cheerios, or chocolate ice cream for breakfast - which she is capable of.
I make my breakfast because I’m hungry and I value the peace that comes with eating enough.
I clear up the kitchen because I value order and ease of finding clean dishes later in the day. And the ease of having a somewhat clear surface on which to put things (that I then later clear up).
I wash the duck eggs because I value my health and putting duck poop covered eggs in my fridge…just, no.
I read to the children because I enjoy that connection time, it’s peaceful, and I want to foster reading as a source of contentment and joy for them when they are older.
I make dinner because I enjoy making good food for other people, and because family dinners are another source of connection.
I do the outdoor, evening chores of ducks and cats because it brings me peace and I truly enjoy it. There’s nothing quite like saying goodnight to six ducks as they waddle past me into their house, muttering as they go.
Do you see what I’ve done?
I have brought the actions that could be me-just-going-through-the-motions into awareness by focusing on the needs that I meet by doing these tasks. I choose to do them.
This is a needs-oriented pathway.
When I focus on needs, alternatives open up to me to meet those needs and I realize I have a choice.
When I have the freedom to choose, my mattering is more obvious to me. I matter.
For me, that’s big.
I have moved from have to to needs met when I choose to. And there can be needs unmet. The point is there’s more self-connection and clarity around what I do and why.
From a different angle, I read and really enjoyed this article from Lion’s Roar.
Eating is our sole essential consumption and cooking is our one common charity, so you’d think its purpose would be obvious. Yet with a critical eye to the value of time and what we judge to be our higher talents, meal preparation may seldom seem worth it. Cooking for two? Not worth it. Filling the fridge? Not worth it. Sitting to dine? Not worth it. Cleaning up after? Not worth it.
Nothing is worth the measure we give it, because worth doesn’t really exist. It is a figment of our judging minds, an imaginary yardstick to measure the imaginary value of imaginary distinctions, and one more way we withhold ourselves from the whole enchilada of life that lies before us.