The Power of Presence

Especially When Things Are Hard

Hi friends,

This is a quickie. A this-went-well-and-I’m-going-to-share post.

Yesterday was tough for my kiddos. I have a big surgery coming up (mummy gone for a week), I just got done with being sick from a) chemo, b) a cold which gave me a fever and c) accidental overdosing of THC (for anti-cancer purposes). I don’t handle stoned well. And we’re packing up to move.

Major disruption.

So during disruption, my son, Joseph, gets very handsy with my littlest. He won’t leave her alone. Wants to control everything she’s doing. Gets supermad when she won’t comply. He wants to hit her.

And the adults are all can you please just let us get on with packing?

So I sat on the lawn with Joseph. I had been very frustrated which had left him afraid to be near me, but I just sat down and took on an energy of welcome acceptance.

It took him about a minute and a half to come sit with me and snuggle in.

From our position, we were close to my daughter, Aubrey, who was busy giving a duck a bath. Joseph began yelling instructions to her. I whispered to him, Let her be. Watch what unfolds when you don’t interfere. Somehow his curiosity got the better of him and the two of us sat, me with my arm around him, watching my daughter peacefully give her duck a bath, then change the water and get into the bath herself. Cold water is so happiness-inducing for my children.

Joseph sat with me for about ten minutes. What he had been needing (someone in his corner, seeing him, understanding how hard this disruption is, some connection) I had been able to give him. I had been able to be present to him and make our time one-on-one while Aubrey was busy. She got her peace, and so did he.

It sounds so simple, written out. It felt anything but simple yesterday. All adults were triggered. And yet, the response really is simple.

When our children (or we) have someone in whose presence they can truly rest, they can get back to being their true selves, the ones they want to be.

Children need to be seen, heard and understood. That’s it.